Her mouth was supposed to smile..to laugh. She had space to herself for the first time in a long time…she had ideas and plans, a plethora of them. From dancing with fewer clothes on top of the table to bringing all her personalities out in public for tea to having symposiums with her dolls amongst other weird things, she planned to laugh out loud on her own like a madwoman, she planned to be happy in solitude, as she always knew she loved her space and would be happier without anyone breathing the same air she did for a couple of days.
she closed the door after escorting the residents away, she heaved a sigh of relief and her mouth was supposed to smile after that, she knew her mouth was supposed to smile, she intended for her mouth to turn up, instead the tears tore from her eyes like dams in a flooded river, they wouldn’t stop, they ran down her cheeks in angry rivulets and she watched herself, confused and afraid of this entire reaction.
The tears refused to stop, they continued, painfully, nerve-wracking, it wasn’t her, she knew it wasn’t her, yet those sounds, those painful sobs came from a body that seemed like hers, those cries of a soul in agony came from the shell she wore as a body, she left her body for just a moment and looked at herself.https://www.youtube.com › watch
Pathetic. A waste. This girl wanted to waste her holiday, her nice sabbatical on her own, her fun time, the only time she’d gotten in the last few hectic months. She thought she was happy. Wasn’t that what happiness felt like? A total release of worries and aches of yourself and others? Or was she wrong?
She’d felt it, she was sure she had, now she doubted herself, she doubted everything she’d ever known about happiness because why would she involuntarily be on the cold ground by the floor, every bone in her body yelling from the pain of arthritic joints begging her to get up and get warm, but she couldn’t.
She couldn’t move from the ground, the crying…God the ugly crying tore at her soul, what kind of pain is this and where did it stem from? She wondered out loud except the girl crying on the floor didn’t hear her, so great was her agony, and topped by the fact that she didn’t understand it, it was a pain that was out of her control.
She went back in…to at least try and make her mouth smile, she knew her mouth was supposed to smile, she didn’t know what she would do tomorrow if her mouth refused to smile.
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